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BELONGING.

2/4/2015

2 Comments

 
Picture
One thing we all share is the life-long struggle between two strong needs: the need to belong and the need to be an individual. Both are part of being human but they don’t have to be opposites. It is possible to be an individual who belongs, especially in relationships between people who regard each other as equals.

Equal relationships develop from people actively seek to connect with each other and slowly increase the number and strength of connections between them. They try to understand and respect the needs, interests, beliefs and values of others and share in each other’s joys and sorrows. They become interdependent, rather than co-dependent, because each person’s knowledge and abilities are seen as complementary rather than as setting them apart.

They refuse to allow the influence of society’s celebrity worship, and its obsession with competition, creep into the relationships because it would put pressure on to compete with each other for status and importance. This status mentality divides people and weakens the sense of belonging that guards against social diseases such as anxiety, depression and suicide. Winning, or being better than each other, is not part of the thinking of people who seek equality in relationships.

The choice we have is: do we want to have status and power as an individual or do we want the peace of mind and contentment that comes with belonging? The ancient saying, ‘Love others as you love yourself’, is often taught as ‘putting other people first’ but it doesn’t mean that. It refers to the deepest level of belonging, in which people realise that equality means harming someone else is harming oneself.

One step towards this is to realise that everyone is different; this is why we are individuals. Whatever makes a person ‘different’ can be OK if it fits in with what you can cope with, or NOT OK if doesn’t fit in with what you can cope with. What does that indicate and what could be done about it? Maybe all that’s needed is a few minutes getting to know how much each has in common.

Identity is determined by the strength of your relationships to people and things, but happiness depends on the quality of those relationships. True belonging is when someone or something becomes part of who you are as an individual.

Bob Myers, author of Travelling the Road of Peace and Happiness.


2 Comments
Melissa Sugar link
2/4/2015 10:03:55 am

This was an eye - opening article. It's deep and also so true. I stopped by from the challenge (you are a few links below me on the sign up list) and I was pleasantly surprised with your insightful, thoughtful wisdom. You must be on the other side of the world, because I see that your day two, letter B post is already up. I was extremely late getting my day 1 Letter A post, published and I managed to just get it in under the time frame. You are a full day ahead of me.

I will be back. I like the way you think.

Melissa
http://fictiontoolbox.blogspot.com

Reply
Bob Myers link
2/4/2015 01:35:27 pm

Hi Melissa. Yes, I am in Victoria, Australia. The time difference can be an advantage sometimes.I look forward to reading your blog.

Reply



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    Author

    Bob Myers owned and operated an electronics sales and service business before gaining a degree in sociology and further training in relationship counselling, conflict resolution and mediation. He worked in that field for more than thirty years, mainly with teenagers and their families. For 16 years he was the director of a non-government residential facility for teenagers. He is the author of three books on parenting as well as :
    Travelling the Road of Peace and Happiness.

    Bob is dedicated to nonviolence as a way of life; a founding member of Pace e Bene Australia (PeBA); and a PeBA nonviolence facilitator.

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Travelling the Road of Peace and Happiness is an ebook that helps you learn more about family peace, conflict resolution, self development, relationship building and more.
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