• Home
  • Notes & Samples
  • Bookshop
  • Talks & Courses
  • Action Page.
  • Nonviolence
    • What is Nonviolence?
    • WHY DO WE USE VIOLENCE?
    • TAKING RESTORATIVE ACTION TO MAKE JUSTICE MORE JUST
    • RUDOLPH IS MORE THAN A RED NOSE.
    • Terrorism
    • Pace e Bene
    • CHOOSING TO BE NONVIOLENT
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Enjoy Parenting Teenagers
  • Building self esteem.
  • Building self confidence.
  • Definitions
  • Review Copy request

WHEN DOES A SMACK BECOME CHILD ABUSE?

17/5/2014

1 Comment

 
Picture
By Bob Myers.                                                                                                     

Questions about the rights and responsibilities of parents are often raised in regard to discipline and smacking children. Many people believe there is nothing wrong with the age-old custom of smacking or giving a ‘whack with a wooden spoon.’ Many claim that parents should be able to  discipline their kids how they please, within reason. Supporters of physical punishment maintain that there is a difference between child abuse and smacking and that the laws concerning child abuse are sufficient to protect children. A common theme is that ‘I was smacked as a child and it didn’t do me any harm.’ 

People generally agree about the need for discipline, and that there is a difference between a smack and child abuse. However, it isn't always clear how those who believe in physical punishment can decide when the line between the two is crossed. More about my suggestion on that below.

It's not surprising that some people still believe parents should have the right to smack their children because smacking wasn't questioned up to fairly recently, and most of us felt the odd whack or two as children. Most parents have probably at least threatened to smack their children. I smacked my kids when they were little, partly because I thought that was what parents were supposed to do, and partly because I didn’t know what else to do. Fortunately, I discovered there are other ways that work better. 

There are many definitions of discipline and some of them support the use of physical punishment. This could be because so many people associate the word ‘discipline’ with punishment, and dictionary definitions usually reflect the common usage of a word. The definition of discipline I use in my books, because it best describes the real task for parents, is: Discipline means to teach, assist, and guide children to become self-controlled. For kids to become truly self-controlled, we have to help them develop a positive attitude towards rules and authority figures, so they will choose to keep to the rules because they provide safety or fairness.

Smacking, along with other kinds of punishment, keeps the parent in control of the child instead of using methods that gradually help the child to have self control. Punishment takes the child’s attention away from the positive reasons for keeping to rules and tends to hinder the development of real self-control. Punishment may only teach the child to avoid getting caught.

Another major reason for not using punishment is that punishment is based on the principle that it’s OK to control a child by inflicting some degree of pain, suffering or discomfort, which I like to believe parents would only do if they can’t think of a better way. The principle that says it's OK to control others by inflicting pain and suffering is the principle behind extremes such as terrorism and extortion. Although it would be stupid to associate smacking with terrorism, my concern is that when we teach a child a principle like that, we have no way of knowing - and no control over -  how far down that road the child will go when trying to control the behaviour of other people later in life. 

I would suggest that the line between smacking and abuse is crossed if the parent knows there are better ways to teach, assist and guide children to become self-controlled but refuses to learn those ways, or the parent knows those better ways and chooses not to use them. My books, Travelling the Road of Peace and Happiness, and Enjoy Parenting Teenagers present many simple ways to help kids develop a positive attitude to rules and authority figures, and maintains that it is never too late to start.


Photo by Microsoft.

Click to set custom HTML
1 Comment
Kathy Lynn
2/6/2014 06:42:08 pm

There are currently 37 countries where this conversation is moot because they have banned physical punishment of kids. So children are protected from any form of assault in the same way adults are. Instead of trying to quantify and define abuse, let's just stop hitting our kids!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Bob Myers owned and operated an electronics sales and service business before gaining a degree in sociology and further training in relationship counselling, conflict resolution and mediation. He worked in that field for more than thirty years, mainly with teenagers and their families. For 16 years he was the director of a non-government residential facility for teenagers. He is the author of three books on parenting as well as :
    Travelling the Road of Peace and Happiness.

    Bob is dedicated to nonviolence as a way of life; a founding member of Pace e Bene Australia (PeBA); and a PeBA nonviolence facilitator.

    Archives

    June 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    January 2013
    November 2012
    October 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012

    Categories

    All
    Adversarial
    Authority
    Centre
    Communication
    Compass
    Competition
    Conflict
    Consequence
    Cooperation
    Creation
    Culture
    Depression
    Discipline
    Domination
    Equality/inequality
    Family
    Ground/grounded
    Happiness
    Identity
    Love
    Motivation
    Nature
    Nonviolence
    Peace
    Power/politics
    Punishment
    Purpose
    Reconciliation
    Relationships
    Religion
    Responsible
    Restorative Action
    Revenge
    Social Disease
    Spiritual
    Truth
    Violence

    RSS Feed

Copyright © 2013 Bob Myers. All rights reserved. Sitemap

Travelling the Road of Peace and Happiness is an ebook that helps you learn more about family peace, conflict resolution, self development, relationship building and more.
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.