Chapter Six.
Discipline and Punishment.
Violence leads to more violence, justice leads to peace.
There are few subjects more controversial than how we should respond to wrongdoing, and the family is the ideal setting to use as the base for a discussion on the complexities of discipline. Some people reading this chapter may think some of the thoughts and ideas expressed are strange and ‘way out’ and yet they have been around for thousands of years. They only seem strange because our culture mainly uses what Walter Wink referred to as ‘redemptive violence’ in response to wrongdoing. Our compass indicates there are other, more effective methods
we can use. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Discipline: To teach, assist and guide a child’s development towards self-control.
Everyone has an opinion on how children should be disciplined, and can generally be divided into two main camps; those who believe parents should have the right to smack their children and those who are opposed to the use of physical punishment. I want to make my position on this very clear. I believe that parents who neglect to firmly discipline a child put the emotional and moral development of the child at risk, and make it more difficult for that child to form healthy relationships as an adult. Firm discipline is a necessary part of responsible parenting and the failure to meet that responsibility should be classed as a form of child abuse. However, I also want to make it very clear that although punishment remains an option, the negative effects of using it has led me to not only be against physical punishment, but against the use of punishment as a means of discipline.
To many people that may seem an extraordinary contradiction. How can strict discipline be maintained without punishment? Does that mean children should be allowed to do anything and not be corrected at all? Obviously my strong belief in the need for strict discipline rules out such permissiveness and is backed up by the research indicating that each child should go through a stage in life when rules are obeyed simply because they are the rules, and authority figures be respected simply because they are in positions of authority. That doesn’t happen by letting kids do whatever they want to do.
Being against the use of punishment seems to go against the theory that very young children respond mainly to rewards and punishments. However, babies know nothing of labels. Babies experience feelings as either pleasant or unpleasant, regardless of what caused the feelings. It’s the experts who have used the words ‘rewards’ and ‘punishments’ to name these feelings. The very young child doesn’t name the feelings; they’re just good and bad feelings. Children tend to avoid whatever causes bad feelings and are attracted to things that cause good feelings.
However, it isn’t long before a child starts to notice, and actively seeks to experience, the good feeling that comes from pleasing other people. This is an entirely new and different way of learning; it is the beginning of reaching out to make connections with other people and learning from the consequences of one’s own actions. By the time children begin school they seem to be capable of distinguishing between punishment and consequences. They may show this by rebelling against punishment, and yet accepting unpleasant consequences they
perceive as being the direct result of what they did. This point is so important in forming the child’s attitude towards authority figures. There are many options available to parents when it comes to the discipline of children, but to take full advantage of those options requires an understanding of punishment; cooperation; consequences; and restorative action. It’s also important to know when coercion is necessary. All of these will be covered but this chapter will focus on punishment.
CHAPTER HEADINGS.
DISCIPLINE AND PUNISHMENT ................................................108
PUNISHMENT ...................................................................110
What is punishment?
MYTHS ABOUT PUNISHMENT ..............................................111
Punishment is necessary to control children.
Punishment changes the child's behaviour.
Punishment gets quick results.
Punishment is necessary to make amends.
Punishment: an instinctive response to wrongdoing.
Punishments and consequences are the same thing.
Punishment is the only choice we have.
Go to Chapter Seven.
There are few subjects more controversial than how we should respond to wrongdoing, and the family is the ideal setting to use as the base for a discussion on the complexities of discipline. Some people reading this chapter may think some of the thoughts and ideas expressed are strange and ‘way out’ and yet they have been around for thousands of years. They only seem strange because our culture mainly uses what Walter Wink referred to as ‘redemptive violence’ in response to wrongdoing. Our compass indicates there are other, more effective methods
we can use. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Discipline: To teach, assist and guide a child’s development towards self-control.
Everyone has an opinion on how children should be disciplined, and can generally be divided into two main camps; those who believe parents should have the right to smack their children and those who are opposed to the use of physical punishment. I want to make my position on this very clear. I believe that parents who neglect to firmly discipline a child put the emotional and moral development of the child at risk, and make it more difficult for that child to form healthy relationships as an adult. Firm discipline is a necessary part of responsible parenting and the failure to meet that responsibility should be classed as a form of child abuse. However, I also want to make it very clear that although punishment remains an option, the negative effects of using it has led me to not only be against physical punishment, but against the use of punishment as a means of discipline.
To many people that may seem an extraordinary contradiction. How can strict discipline be maintained without punishment? Does that mean children should be allowed to do anything and not be corrected at all? Obviously my strong belief in the need for strict discipline rules out such permissiveness and is backed up by the research indicating that each child should go through a stage in life when rules are obeyed simply because they are the rules, and authority figures be respected simply because they are in positions of authority. That doesn’t happen by letting kids do whatever they want to do.
Being against the use of punishment seems to go against the theory that very young children respond mainly to rewards and punishments. However, babies know nothing of labels. Babies experience feelings as either pleasant or unpleasant, regardless of what caused the feelings. It’s the experts who have used the words ‘rewards’ and ‘punishments’ to name these feelings. The very young child doesn’t name the feelings; they’re just good and bad feelings. Children tend to avoid whatever causes bad feelings and are attracted to things that cause good feelings.
However, it isn’t long before a child starts to notice, and actively seeks to experience, the good feeling that comes from pleasing other people. This is an entirely new and different way of learning; it is the beginning of reaching out to make connections with other people and learning from the consequences of one’s own actions. By the time children begin school they seem to be capable of distinguishing between punishment and consequences. They may show this by rebelling against punishment, and yet accepting unpleasant consequences they
perceive as being the direct result of what they did. This point is so important in forming the child’s attitude towards authority figures. There are many options available to parents when it comes to the discipline of children, but to take full advantage of those options requires an understanding of punishment; cooperation; consequences; and restorative action. It’s also important to know when coercion is necessary. All of these will be covered but this chapter will focus on punishment.
CHAPTER HEADINGS.
DISCIPLINE AND PUNISHMENT ................................................108
PUNISHMENT ...................................................................110
What is punishment?
MYTHS ABOUT PUNISHMENT ..............................................111
Punishment is necessary to control children.
Punishment changes the child's behaviour.
Punishment gets quick results.
Punishment is necessary to make amends.
Punishment: an instinctive response to wrongdoing.
Punishments and consequences are the same thing.
Punishment is the only choice we have.
Go to Chapter Seven.
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