Chapter Ten.
Living with Domination.
Whatever we have: was given to us;
we earned by our own effort; or we
took by force.
In chapter nine we looked at the way that striving to better our performance in competition creates some kind of status gap
between ourselves and others, as we either lift ourselves up and win or fall behind and lose. Now we need to look at the second popular way of creating the same status gap. Although it is a form of competition, pushing or putting the other down is called domination and can range from mildly derogatory remarks through to tyranny. Domination is part of the dark side of all of us and may emerge as a means of winning small victories during normal conversations or as the use of military weapons to hold on to political power.
In keeping with the theme of parenting I will use the problem of bullying as the example of domination, mainly because it can range from subtle bullying to extreme violence in all areas of human relationships. As in most sections of this book, what is written as interactions between children also refers to interactions between adults. Some details may be different but the roles and principles involved remain the same.
Setting the stage.
In most discussions about bullying, the person doing the bullying is referred to as ‘the bully’ and the one on the receiving end is called ‘the victim.’ Rather than labelling people I would like to refer to roles, such as ‘the one doing the bullying,’ but that takes too long to type so I will use the term ‘bully.’ However, it seems more fitting to use the word ‘target’ to replace ‘victim,’ because of what happens in bullying.
There has to be a mismatch of power for bullying to occur, so a fight between two equally matched people is better described as violent competition rather than bullying.
CHAPTER HEADINGS.
LIVING WITH DOMINATION ................................................181
Setting the stage.
WHAT IS BULLYING? ......................................................182
'Normal' bullying.
Cyber bullying.
WHY DOES BULLYING HAPPEN? .......................................185
What surveys reveal.
Choosing a target.
What's in it for the bully?
Two attitudes behind bullying.
WHAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT BULLYING? ..........................187
SUPPORTING THE TARGET ...........................................188
Centring.
Taking control away from the bully.
Involving other people.
Assertiveness and the 'What the...?' factor.
SUPPORTING THE BULLY ...............................................196
Approaching other parents and teachers about bullying.
PREVENTION ...................................................................198
Helping kids feel confident.
Encourage team involvement.
Go to Chapter Eleven.
we earned by our own effort; or we
took by force.
In chapter nine we looked at the way that striving to better our performance in competition creates some kind of status gap
between ourselves and others, as we either lift ourselves up and win or fall behind and lose. Now we need to look at the second popular way of creating the same status gap. Although it is a form of competition, pushing or putting the other down is called domination and can range from mildly derogatory remarks through to tyranny. Domination is part of the dark side of all of us and may emerge as a means of winning small victories during normal conversations or as the use of military weapons to hold on to political power.
In keeping with the theme of parenting I will use the problem of bullying as the example of domination, mainly because it can range from subtle bullying to extreme violence in all areas of human relationships. As in most sections of this book, what is written as interactions between children also refers to interactions between adults. Some details may be different but the roles and principles involved remain the same.
Setting the stage.
In most discussions about bullying, the person doing the bullying is referred to as ‘the bully’ and the one on the receiving end is called ‘the victim.’ Rather than labelling people I would like to refer to roles, such as ‘the one doing the bullying,’ but that takes too long to type so I will use the term ‘bully.’ However, it seems more fitting to use the word ‘target’ to replace ‘victim,’ because of what happens in bullying.
There has to be a mismatch of power for bullying to occur, so a fight between two equally matched people is better described as violent competition rather than bullying.
CHAPTER HEADINGS.
LIVING WITH DOMINATION ................................................181
Setting the stage.
WHAT IS BULLYING? ......................................................182
'Normal' bullying.
Cyber bullying.
WHY DOES BULLYING HAPPEN? .......................................185
What surveys reveal.
Choosing a target.
What's in it for the bully?
Two attitudes behind bullying.
WHAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT BULLYING? ..........................187
SUPPORTING THE TARGET ...........................................188
Centring.
Taking control away from the bully.
Involving other people.
Assertiveness and the 'What the...?' factor.
SUPPORTING THE BULLY ...............................................196
Approaching other parents and teachers about bullying.
PREVENTION ...................................................................198
Helping kids feel confident.
Encourage team involvement.
Go to Chapter Eleven.
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