TO BE OR NOT TO BE? By Bob Myers
Rambo or Dalai Lama?
“Just because I talk about nonviolence doesn’t mean that I am nonviolent. I will probably not be really nonviolent until fifteen minutes after I am dead”. (Fr Alain Richards)
Violence is defined as any physical, verbal or emotional behaviour that dominates, diminishes or destroys ourselves or others (Pace e Bene). Assertive nonviolence is committed to challenging and resisting all forms of violence, within ourselves and in relationships. It is based on the belief that humans are meant to love and be loved with an unconditional love made possible by separating the person from their violent behaviour.
Violence is not an automatic response, it is a choice. We make that choice when deciding how to respond to a competitive culture. We decide whether to go with it by becoming aggressive; or become submissive to the aggression of others; or withdraw and become a loner. Those three responses tend to perpetuate a system that is obsessed with using punishment (verbal, physical, and emotional) to control others. Violence becomes a 'natural' response for children who mimic the way their parents smacked them for 'misbehaving'. However, the parents probably learned that as children too but that belief can be undone at adulthood by choosing to discipline using restorative action.
People who believe nonviolence is a weak response haven’t tried to live it. In dangerous situations, that kind of love is not for the fainthearted and that's why like-minded people need to gather together for support. Dorothy Day said, “Love is a harsh and dreadful thing, not the thing of dreams”. It calls us to see that what we hate in other people resides also in us.
Anyone who holds, or adopts, the principles of assertive nonviolence is coming from a sense of equality in all dealings with other people, regardless of colour, social position, age, gender, nationality or creed. However, not all people who claim to be nonviolent apply the principle to everyone. For example, some people who are strongly opposed to violence against women give the same reasons for smacking their children as men give for bashing ‘their’ women.
Assertive nonviolence maintains that the true nature of human relationships is the interdependence of equals, and seeks to establish or maintain that interdependent equality. Assertive nonviolence is therefore ‘love in action’. Love needs someone or something to love and co-operation needs someone or something to co-operate with. This caring and sharing attitude of assertive nonviolence may develop slowly, or come from a sudden conversion, or from a conscious decision, but it is tested each time we face an ‘opponent’ in a conflict.
Conflict is inevitable and necessary. Without conflict there can be no psychological, moral or spiritual development. Erik Erikson put it this way, “All 'graduations' in human growth mean the abandonment of a familiar position….(and) all growth...must come to terms with this fact.“ Negative outcomes are caused by the way we respond to conflict, not by the conflict itself.
Conflict is different to the competition for dominance that is so much a part of our culture. The fear of losing is a driving force in the competition for dominance and may lead to the violence of aggression, alienation, isolation, depression, murder and suicide. As Gandhi said, “Fear and love are contradictory”.
Individualism and nationalism can lead us to divide people into those who are right and those who are wrong, into the lovable and the unlovable. Those who are wrong can come to be seen as not quite human and therefore can be exterminated without too much guilt. The blasphemy of so-called religious violence in many parts of the world is an example.
Nonviolence applauds the co-operative achievements of individuals, co-operative multiculturalism, and co-operative gatherings of athletes of many nations, but events such as the Olympic Games come close to being violent when the medal tally becomes more important than participation in the sport.
Active nonviolence aims to develop a community in the true sense of the word by having everybody acting to meet each other’s needs. It helps us to recognise the violence in ourselves and acknowledge the wrong done to other people by churches or governments that represent us. It also urges us to acknowledge the good things done by our churches and governments and to do all we can to ensure that future decisions are made using the guidelines of love and justice.
Violence is defined as any physical, verbal or emotional behaviour that dominates, diminishes or destroys ourselves or others (Pace e Bene). Assertive nonviolence is committed to challenging and resisting all forms of violence, within ourselves and in relationships. It is based on the belief that humans are meant to love and be loved with an unconditional love made possible by separating the person from their violent behaviour.
Violence is not an automatic response, it is a choice. We make that choice when deciding how to respond to a competitive culture. We decide whether to go with it by becoming aggressive; or become submissive to the aggression of others; or withdraw and become a loner. Those three responses tend to perpetuate a system that is obsessed with using punishment (verbal, physical, and emotional) to control others. Violence becomes a 'natural' response for children who mimic the way their parents smacked them for 'misbehaving'. However, the parents probably learned that as children too but that belief can be undone at adulthood by choosing to discipline using restorative action.
People who believe nonviolence is a weak response haven’t tried to live it. In dangerous situations, that kind of love is not for the fainthearted and that's why like-minded people need to gather together for support. Dorothy Day said, “Love is a harsh and dreadful thing, not the thing of dreams”. It calls us to see that what we hate in other people resides also in us.
Anyone who holds, or adopts, the principles of assertive nonviolence is coming from a sense of equality in all dealings with other people, regardless of colour, social position, age, gender, nationality or creed. However, not all people who claim to be nonviolent apply the principle to everyone. For example, some people who are strongly opposed to violence against women give the same reasons for smacking their children as men give for bashing ‘their’ women.
Assertive nonviolence maintains that the true nature of human relationships is the interdependence of equals, and seeks to establish or maintain that interdependent equality. Assertive nonviolence is therefore ‘love in action’. Love needs someone or something to love and co-operation needs someone or something to co-operate with. This caring and sharing attitude of assertive nonviolence may develop slowly, or come from a sudden conversion, or from a conscious decision, but it is tested each time we face an ‘opponent’ in a conflict.
Conflict is inevitable and necessary. Without conflict there can be no psychological, moral or spiritual development. Erik Erikson put it this way, “All 'graduations' in human growth mean the abandonment of a familiar position….(and) all growth...must come to terms with this fact.“ Negative outcomes are caused by the way we respond to conflict, not by the conflict itself.
Conflict is different to the competition for dominance that is so much a part of our culture. The fear of losing is a driving force in the competition for dominance and may lead to the violence of aggression, alienation, isolation, depression, murder and suicide. As Gandhi said, “Fear and love are contradictory”.
Individualism and nationalism can lead us to divide people into those who are right and those who are wrong, into the lovable and the unlovable. Those who are wrong can come to be seen as not quite human and therefore can be exterminated without too much guilt. The blasphemy of so-called religious violence in many parts of the world is an example.
Nonviolence applauds the co-operative achievements of individuals, co-operative multiculturalism, and co-operative gatherings of athletes of many nations, but events such as the Olympic Games come close to being violent when the medal tally becomes more important than participation in the sport.
Active nonviolence aims to develop a community in the true sense of the word by having everybody acting to meet each other’s needs. It helps us to recognise the violence in ourselves and acknowledge the wrong done to other people by churches or governments that represent us. It also urges us to acknowledge the good things done by our churches and governments and to do all we can to ensure that future decisions are made using the guidelines of love and justice.
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