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IS IT POSSIBLE TO FEEL REALLY FREE?

27/5/2013

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Most people are familiar with the saying, ‘The truth will set you free;’ but the saying itself is not true.

Obviously, it means that the truth sets you free from something you thought was the truth but some new knowledge has shown it to be false.

If some new knowledge sets you free, then your old belief was some sort of prison that was restricting your freedom in some way. But isn’t that what any belief does? And isn’t that, therefore, what this new belief will do, only in a different way? This new belief will influence your thinking, and influence what decisions you make, for as long as you hold that belief.

How do you feel when someone destroys a belief you have held for a long time? Most people feel threatened and refuse to change the belief. A man named James A Garfield said, “The truth will set you free but first it will make you miserable.” This is because discovering a long-held belief is false damages our sense of security and leaves us feeling vulnerable, and maybe miserable, until we can adjust our thinking and actions to fit in with this new truth.

I think it was Einstein who said a new truth goes through three stages. First it is ridiculed; then it is fiercely rejected; but then it is accepted as self-evident.

These thoughts of Garfield and Einstein don’t help much because they still leave us with the problem of each new belief being just a different prison. However it is possible to have the security that goes with having set beliefs and at the same time have a sense of freedom. The words of Clarence Darrow sum up what that would look like when he said, ”The pursuit of truth will set you free, even if you never catch up with it.” But the last word goes to Gandhi who taught that freedom comes from living what you believe to be true while you search for a bigger truth.

Bob Myers.

 

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WHAT CAN I DO TO REDUCE LAW-BREAKING?

22/5/2013

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 There are many answers to that, but I want to look at something we can all do, especially parents.

 Love and fear are two strong motivators of human behaviour. However, love and fear are very different. When people are asked why they obey the law, the most common answers centre on the penalties for breaking the law. This indicates how much people are motivated by the fear of getting caught and being penalised. 
 
There was a famous study done some years ago on honesty in children and it was found that children’s honesty depended on the chance of being caught and the size of the punishment. Since adults are only grown-up children, the study backs up the idea that fear motivates a lot of people to keep within the law. Unfortunately, that type of study prompts extra police and heavier sentencing as the way to reduce offending.  

My view is that there would be far less crime and law breaking if children were taught the ways of love in regard to the law. By that I mean our disciplinary measures should be assisting children to develop a positive
attitude to rules rather than seeing them as restricting their individuality and fun. One way to do this is for parents to explain the social reasons for each rule so the child develops a sense of the rules being for ‘us’ rather than just against ‘me.’ 

Putting the emphasis on punishment is relying on fear to motivate cooperation but it usually only works while you are watching. The proper use of fear as a motivator is through honest warnings about the possible bad outcomes if a certain action is chosen. Keeping to a rule because of the benefits for ‘us,’ or for someone not even present, is relying on love motivating cooperation; the type of cooperation that then happens whether you are there or not. Love as a motivator has its own reward. Assisting children of any age to develop a positive attitude to the law is easy. Success may be difficult because of many social influences, but that is no excuse for not trying. 
 
We can all do our bit to reduce crime and wrongdoing by explaining the fairness and safety reasons for our rules and being prepared to change any rule to make it fairer and safer.

Bob Myers.

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ENJOY PARENTING TEENAGERS.

15/5/2013

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NEW RELATIONSHIP BUILDING EBOOK to boost parents' confidence and self-esteem.

Family relationship problems? My new eBook on family problems is invaluable for parents or for anyone filling the parenting role temporarily or permanently.

I know from long experience that parents want easy-to-understand ways of coping when faced with the everyday difficulties adolescent children experience. This book makes complex theory simple, and explains how to build, maintain, repair and strengthen relationships with teenagers.

While acknowledging that parents are the real 'experts' in dealing with their families, this self improvement eBook encourages parents to take control of the parenting situation by taking control of their own actions and reactions. It describes how to remove destructive conflict from parent/child relationships and identifies the traps that block good communication.

Every child can be thought of as an apprentice adult and the adolescent child can be thought of as very nearly through that apprenticeship. You have passed on many of the skills needed for your child to make a good job of being an adult and the time is very near for some solo flying practice. However, there are just a few things that need tweaking during this period of 'letting go'. 


Parents, teachers, residential youth workers and anyone working with young people will find much in this conflict transformation book to support them in the often difficult task of teaching, guiding and assisting children prepare for life as responsible independent adults.


Bob Myers.

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    Author

    Bob Myers owned and operated an electronics sales and service business before gaining a degree in sociology and further training in relationship counselling, conflict resolution and mediation. He worked in that field for more than thirty years, mainly with teenagers and their families. For 16 years he was the director of a non-government residential facility for teenagers. He is the author of three books on parenting as well as :
    Travelling the Road of Peace and Happiness.

    Bob is dedicated to nonviolence as a way of life; a founding member of Pace e Bene Australia (PeBA); and a PeBA nonviolence facilitator.

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Travelling the Road of Peace and Happiness is an ebook that helps you learn more about family peace, conflict resolution, self development, relationship building and more.
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