• Home
  • Notes & Samples
  • Bookshop
  • Talks & Courses
  • Action Page.
  • Nonviolence
    • What is Nonviolence?
    • WHY DO WE USE VIOLENCE?
    • TAKING RESTORATIVE ACTION TO MAKE JUSTICE MORE JUST
    • RUDOLPH IS MORE THAN A RED NOSE.
    • Terrorism
    • Pace e Bene
    • CHOOSING TO BE NONVIOLENT
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Enjoy Parenting Teenagers
  • Building self esteem.
  • Building self confidence.
  • Definitions
  • Review Copy request

ACCEPTANCE OF THE PAST IS THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS A BETTER FUTURE.

10/6/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
A better future begins by coming to terms with the past, because nothing can change the past that made today how it is. No amount of worry, regret, anger or anxiety can change the past or the present. Those responses generally lead to frustration and bad decisions. What has happened has happened, and we have to deal with it so we can more clearly plan for a better future.

Accepting the present for being what it is doesn’t mean we submit to it. We can do a great deal to shape the future, by deciding what sort of person we want to be and what we want to do. That means looking at the situation and deciding what needs to change so we move closer to gaining our goals. Maybe some relationships need to change in some way, or be left behind. 

Although the present is how it is, today is also the beginning of the future and, therefore, each moment can be seen as an opportunity to influence what the future will be like.

Accepting the present includes accepting that we are what we are because of our background and life experiences. What we were born as, and the cultural influences we grew up in, shaped our beliefs and values. Accepting people as they are now doesn’t mean we agree with, or approve of, their beliefs, values or actions. And accepting that people are as they are doesn’t mean we can’t influence them to be different in the future.

The fact is that we only have the present moment to work with. In good relationships, this simplifies life because it means all we have to do is act responsibly right now, and let the future unfold as it will. People in unhappy, or violent, relationships need to realise we cannot change other people. But, by changing what we normally do, we can influence what others do. That might mean responding calmly and politely instead of getting angry, or it might mean calling the police instead of hiding the bruises from others. When the bottom line is that something has to change; you need to accept that you cannot make other people change, so you have to do something differently.

If we know that someone becomes aggressive when threatened, and we deliberately threaten that person, we have to expect them to become aggressive. Sure it’s their choice but we are partly to blame for that aggression. The person may admit they need to change their behaviour but real change requires a change in beliefs, values or feelings. Change might also require new skills, opportunities and encouragement. However, unless the person wants to change for some reason; it won’t happen.

While someone is under the influence of alcohol, drugs, or lust, it’ no good trying to talk about change; they somehow need to be separated from that influence. And if a person continually gets what they want by using the aggressive ways they learned in childhood, it’s doubtful they will be keen to talk about changing. They need to experience situations where aggression fails them, so they need another way to get what they want. That is when learning new skills could lead to them experiencing a sense of belonging between people sharing and communicating as equals.

Our relationships are what they are but changing how we treat others changes the way they respond. The choice is whether we want to harm our relationships or strengthen them. Attempting to dominate or control others, harms relationships. Seeking to have power with others to solve problems, strengthens relationships.


By Bob Myers, author of Travelling the Road of Peace and Happiness.

0 Comments

    Author

    Bob Myers owned and operated an electronics sales and service business before gaining a degree in sociology and further training in relationship counselling, conflict resolution and mediation. He worked in that field for more than thirty years, mainly with teenagers and their families. For 16 years he was the director of a non-government residential facility for teenagers. He is the author of three books on parenting as well as :
    Travelling the Road of Peace and Happiness.

    Bob is dedicated to nonviolence as a way of life; a founding member of Pace e Bene Australia (PeBA); and a PeBA nonviolence facilitator.

    Archives

    June 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    January 2013
    November 2012
    October 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012

    Categories

    All
    Adversarial
    Authority
    Centre
    Communication
    Compass
    Competition
    Conflict
    Consequence
    Cooperation
    Creation
    Culture
    Depression
    Discipline
    Domination
    Equality/inequality
    Family
    Ground/grounded
    Happiness
    Identity
    Love
    Motivation
    Nature
    Nonviolence
    Peace
    Power/politics
    Punishment
    Purpose
    Reconciliation
    Relationships
    Religion
    Responsible
    Restorative Action
    Revenge
    Social Disease
    Spiritual
    Truth
    Violence

    RSS Feed

Copyright © 2013 Bob Myers. All rights reserved. Sitemap

Travelling the Road of Peace and Happiness is an ebook that helps you learn more about family peace, conflict resolution, self development, relationship building and more.
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.